One complaint I often hear in session is “my partner doesn’t listen to me” or “he/she doesn’t understand me”.  Of course often the partner, unless they actually have an issue with their hearing, does in fact hear their partner and quite often their partner does in fact understand.  So, why then, do we explain our disagreements this way.

The answer is simple, your partner doesn’t know what to do.  We are never taught how to listen with the heart and our world ignores the importance of our intuitive abilities, often relegating those intuitive inklings into the world of hocus pocus.  When I ask the partner, do you know what the problem is, usually they do in fact know but have brushed over the importance of what is needed, heading toward solving a problem instead. For example, your partner says “you are never home”.  You reply “well I have to work in order to make money for living”.  Then we are off as there is two “miscommunications happening at the same time”.  The first one doesn’t know how to ask for what they really need while the responder states a fact which then appears defensive.

Next I ask, what do you think is really wrong?  They reply, they are lonely.  So I ask next, if you know that why don’t you help with loneliness.  They reply “I don’t know how”.  Ahhhhh now we are getting somewhere.

It is true they have to work to earn money and when taught to speak and listen with the heart you hear this happen.  “When you are working so much I miss you and feel a bit lonely and disconnected.  Could we make a plant to spend some time together” and the reply is “of course I never want you to feel disconnected.  We aren’t taught this language and thus miscommunication happens all the time.