Recently I have been feeling lost in the world of purpose. Over the past few weeks I started noticing that I was unsure if I am on the right track, personally and professionally. Don’t get me wrong, I love the healing profession. I was asking myself some questions like “is it my purpose” and “how do I know”. A day or two went by and I decided during meditation to ask the universe, soul, or god, whatever you like to call your higher power to send me a sign or signs that I am on the right track as I surrender into the unknown and allow myself to be guided by my intuition versus monkey mind. The universe delivered albeit in its usual zig zaggy way.
I realized that when I pay attention the soul, god, universe speaks to us in subtle ways and voila there it is!!! The burgeoning knowledge of being on the right track. I listened to a meditation on time and how bound we are to time. I looked within my own life and my relationship to the 24 hour clock. I am the typical person I think when I say that I look at the 24 hour day and work backwards in time. Meaning, 24 hours in the run of one day, I need 8 hours for sleep, time for clients, time with spouse, time for my own health related appointments, etc. etc. This thinking leaves me with the notion I don’t have enough time for things. At times this notion can be true if I have lots of appointments in the run of a day. Other times I see that I might not be enjoying my relationship to time so it might be “time” (pardon the pun) for a break up with my relationship to the clock.
To start I asked myself where do I feel joy. I ask this because I want to know where I am spending the majority of my mind space. I looked at my life and realized a few things; 1) I feel joy watching my dog on a walk smelling nature and simply living in the moment and his obvious zen mind, 2) I feel joy watching my dog and cat play hide and seek (the cat doesn’t exactly like playing but he does participate by hiding in my closet and the dog will inevitably find him then the game starts again 3) I feel joy when I spend time with my spouse, he is my best friend and confident, we spend time simply talking, having coffee on a Saturday morning; 4) yes, there it is, I feel joy when I hear from a client recently when she told me that she and her partner are beyond happy these days (and she deserves happiness), that for the first time in a long time she felt love at the heart of her relationship partner and 5) I feel joy when I see my children happy.
I know my purpose is to be in a healing profession and I love it when my former clients tell me how happy they are and showing love to one another. As for my time, the clock is going to stop controlling me and I am taking back my time by creating more harmony in my life and doing the things that give me joy. Don’t get me wrong I have fears about the future and my work because I am in private practice, so the buck stops here. I get the “what if nobody calls” or “how do I know I am not failing” or “I can’t set a boundary, I might not get work”. I am learning to let those fears return to where they came and taking clients because it fills my heart with joy to see another human being come into wholeness (or a couple) but I also want to feel joy from my home life as well.
May you find a better relationship with time and uncover those things that bring you joy.